Where We’re At

Here’s where we’re at:

• We have two months left in our rental until we camp out on the land.

• Yesterday we were granted an extension on our building permit for six more months.

• We hope to have our home finished and inspected by the end of September, three years from when we broke ground.

This will take a miracle, along with all the time, energy, and money we can muster.

But instead of panic I feel calm and focused. Both deadlines, to move on from our rental and to complete our home, feel like lifelines.

This past winter we hibernated. Week after week went by without our customary Friday and Saturday work days. The boys, who initially enjoyed the leisurely weekend mornings, started to badger: “When are going out to the land?” “We haven’t been to the land for a long time.” “I want to go out on the land.”

At first we hibernated because Matt and I could barely stand to look at how much work was left to be done on the house. Decision fatigue, dwindling resources, and the enormity of what we didn’t know felt heavy on our shoulders. And that 14/12 roof! I’ve watched Matt barely hanging onto the ridge twice- with a harness on, but still, it’s dangerous. Sometimes my confidence gets shaken and I wonder if instead of being led we’re wandering. Lost.

Then, at different times Matt and I each felt the burden of the house lifted. Nothing had changed in our circumstances but we felt the Lord’s assurance that the house would be completed in time. Right now we needed to live in the present. We made the decision to enjoy what was right in front of us. We’ve felt prompted to switch to the ward that meets a block away and to enroll the boys in the local schools (the older three boys are enjoying Jr. High and the younger two are homeschooling). As I’ve gratefully acknowledged that God is meeting all our needs, I’ve found rest and renewal. I’ve felt my relationships with my family strengthening as we’ve had more recreational and down time.

When the news came we’d would being moving I was initially hopeful. I felt like Lehi finding the Liahona outside his tent. This was a direction to move forward.

Still, I didn’t know where we were moving to. Where were we going to live?

With this question on my mind, I woke early one morning feeling troubled. I took a quick stock of the situation and wrote down where we stood.

Where I am:

  -$40,000 credit line/$10,000 left

  -a mortgage is not an option (banks consider off-grid properties, as well as owner-built ones, high risk)

  -we cannot stay in our rental house or live on our land past summer without amenities

  -the house lacks the plumbing, electrical, insulation, etc. to live in it

  -we do not know where to live after summer

  -Matt feels stressed out

  -the older boys would like to stay in the same Church ward and continue going to their school

  -I am tired of living in and caring for others people’s houses (aka protecting them from lively boys)

  -I want to live in our home while our oldest son still has some years to live there with us. I want to have Christmas and a dog there.

  -there is a lot we do not understand or know

As I prayed and studied my scriptures afterwards, I longed to know where to live beyond the summer. All that appeared was the next action.

Walk towards the end of the remaining $10,000 on the credit line to finish the roof and skylights. Then the next step will become clear.

A quote from Elder Bednar’s most recent BYU speech impressed me too:

To be clear, we do not earn or qualify for God’s blessings solely by or through our individual works. God’s will and timing determine how and when we receive His tender mercies. But we have the obligation to work as we become works of God.

My answer was humbling, and perhaps tasted a bit unsatisfactory. This is manna. It may not be what I wanted to eat but it is the good I need, mercifully provided by my all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful Heavenly Father. I don’t know what I am doing, God does.

Be still and know that I am God.

Doubt not, fear not.

It is kind of exciting to not know what comes next in our story, provided He is writing it.[1] 

[1] I highly recommend Sister Camille N. Johnson’s talk, Invite Christ to Author Your Story:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/10/42johnson?lang=eng#title1